Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
