hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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