It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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