First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also, beer. Big fan.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
