Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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