I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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