i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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