ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
