so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
