Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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