if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
