She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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