its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
