Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
