he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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