This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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