I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
