:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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