I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
