just come out here and I will go home with you...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
