you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
