The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
