Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
