Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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