I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
