i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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