Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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