i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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