Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do herpes really smell.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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