there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
