I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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