Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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