Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
