I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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