Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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