I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
