she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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