I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't trust your balls anymore.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
