rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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