At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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