check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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