Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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