remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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