He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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