In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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