It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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