I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
