I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
