you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
