FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
