Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I love having hate sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
