the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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