If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
